I designed the poster at left and two others after looking into the ancient writer known as Rumi and being inspired to find images to go with three quotations that struck me as pertinent.
At the time I didn’t resonate with or react strongly against this particular quotation. I suppose there might be some fated lover out there somewhere who now dwells in my heart somehow, and vice versa, and we both just haven’t connected in person. I do know that in my heart lies the love I would give unconditionally to someone with whom I make/have that deep soul connection. So interpreted that way it rings true.
But as my mood cycled downward as I despaired of ever meeting someone somewhere, whether she dwelled in my heart, and I in hers, or not, my pain, hopelessness and sorrow poured forth in this poem.
Hope died. I’m 67. It ain’t gonna happen. But I have to live. I have to go on. So when those feelings come, I vomit them out as foul as they might be. This was that.
Then I rinse my mind and soul of it, release the toxic thoughts, as best I can, pet my dog, and go for a walk and look for butterflies and gaze into raindrops hanging from the petals of wildflowers.
Hope
Hope.
Ends.
Heart
Breaks.
Pain
Reigns.
Sadness
Hurts
Deeply
Unbearably
Unrelentingly
Undiminished
Perpetually.
Alone
I lived.
Alone
I will die.
There is no why.
She is not in my heart.
Not now.
Not anymore.
Only in my mind.
Not for long.
Vanishing like a dream.
Banished like a nightmare.
From all consciousness.
Then peace
Will come at last.
For I am not in her heart.
She has no heart.
She does not exist.
There is no lover.
There is no beloved.
There is no love.
Only me.
Facing
Reality
At last.
